Finding My Voice

Let’s face it.  This year has been a challenge for everyone.  It’s impossible to really describe it.  For me, the year started off rocky in January specifically on January 13.  This was the day that my husband had a major stroke, and our lives changed forever.  He was in the ICU in a medically-induced coma for a week.  He was on a ventilator because he had a seizure as well.  My life for two months was home and hospital every single day.  When he was transferred to a skilled nursing facility, the country went into lockdown.  So, I spent three months of lockdown alone.  Alone in a new state since we just moved to Austin in June 2019.

I wasn’t inspired to complete many self-portraits, and when I did, the images had lots of shadows.  Although, I’m not a light and airy photographer, there were more shadows in my work.  Since my husband came home, I haven’t shot many self-portraits for two reasons.  First, I don’t have time.  I work full-time.  My mother-in-law and I are my husband’s full-time caregivers so we’re trying to balance that with taking care of ourselves.  It’s not easy.

When I saw the breakout class that Chanel French was teaching on self-portraits, I knew that I had to take this class. I wanted to restart my self-portraits.  The class was called “The Art of You: A Guide to Telling Your Story Through Self-Portrait Photography”.  It was inspiring.  Chanel walked us through her process.  In the class, we received a detailed instructional pamphlet on self-portraits.  The first challenge was to complete a portrait using a scarf or a mirror.  The talent in the breakout was remarkable as well as inspiring.  For my portrait, I used an infinity scarf.  I was inspired by Billy Joel’s song, Always A Woman, for this image.  Honestly, I don’t feel very attractive or womanly right now.  I’ve lost myself. These images helped me to see the feminine side of myself.

 My second set of images was based on the song “Sunday Kind of Love” by Etta James.  This is one of my favorite songs, and I knew the lighting that I wanted to use for this song.  I wanted a spotlight effect with lots of shadows,  my face and upper body would be illuminated.  I wore a black slip with a blue kimono, and the images turned out exactly how I envisioned them.

 I don’t want to lose myself again. I plan to keep developing story lines for my self-portraits, and completing the concept.  I have to take care of myself as well and nurture my creativity.